I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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