i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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