I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
