You're completely useless in the revolution.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
