I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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