I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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