My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
