This girl is more easily done than said...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
