I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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