Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
