I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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