so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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