I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
