my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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