im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She bit a glass in half.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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