I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
