i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
