He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
