guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
