at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
