and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
