i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
