I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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