Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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