u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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