Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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