i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
