First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
