You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
True college students do jello shots in the library
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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