so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize