Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
