She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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