I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
