sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize