JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
