respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
how drunk are you?
Several
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize