the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
