so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
