opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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