you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
