my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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