Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
