dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
