I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
