Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
