Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
