I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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