We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize