bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Found the puke drawer
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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