HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
