took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
