butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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