I'm really into asian looking animals
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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