I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize
