He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
