The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
