You did not just play the dead husband card again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Everyone says I win the strip club
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
