My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
