Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
