if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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