when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
