Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
