I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
