Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
