If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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