did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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