I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
