i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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