call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
