I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
