it wasn't lemon gatorade
In America we eat man semen.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
