and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
